


Blindfolded eyes

by RunoCartwright



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunoCartwright/pseuds/RunoCartwright
Summary: In a world where love kills, Jean Kirstein fights for his independence and freedom. And although his only obstacle seems to be the irrational fear of his young mother, he will soon realize that the very presence of Mikasa Ackerman does not let him breathe [Jeankasa/AU]
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Glimmer

Jean didn't clearly remember the first time he had heard about the Hanahaki Disease. He wasn't sure if it was that particularly chilly autumn afternoon when a friend, between complicit whispers, told him what he had heard from his parents, or if he had been briefly told about it in biology classes a couple of years ago.

He did remember, however, the moment when he was completely and undoubtedly aware of it existence. He remembered the sirens of the ambulances, the commotion in his neighborhood, the inaudible sobbing of his mother. 13-year-old Jean watched his neighbor's lifeless body be removed from the house next door. His name was Tim (if he remembered correctly); he was only 15 years old.

"Was it suicide?" He heard the voice of Mrs. Miller, his neighbor from across the street.

"I don't think so. They say he had been ill for a long time," Another person answered.

"Sick? He was my son's highschool classmate, he had only missed a week of school".

The blonde hid behind his mother's skirt. It didn't feel right to listen to that conversation, much less to be a witness of that show. The gurney descended from the porch ladder of the warm house, while Tim's parents followed him with bitter accomplice. Precisely at that moment, when the mother of the deceased boy placed her hand on the plastic that covered his body, a tiny, almost imperceptible poppy petal fell to the ground. The entire crowd gasped.

"Hanahaki Disease," said Mrs. Miller "poor boy". 

"At least now he rests in peace".

Jean looked at her mother. The woman, a plump lady with friendly features, kept her eyes focused on the petal left on the ground. The legs of the stretcher passed over it, crushing it; its color, intense red, seemed to want to emulate spilled blood. He felt his mother draw him against her, enveloping him in a protective embrace.

"Mom? What is Hanahaki Disease?" he remembers asking him.

"It's better that you do not know, son," she had answered "nothing good comes from knowing about that damn disease. Let's go inside, shall we?"

He looked at the ambulance, which was already on its way to the hospital.

"But I want to know what happened to Tim..."

He felt his mother's grip deepen even more, becoming almost painful.

"Enough already, Jean. It's time to make dinner".

She released him, giving him a short caress on the cheek. She gestured for him to come into the house with her, but Jean shook her head slightly. His mother looked at him sternly, but after a few seconds she entered the home without saying another word. The boy sat down, overwhelmed, on the porch ladder, staring down the path where the ambulance had lost its way.

It wasn't until he was 15 that he heard about it again. At that age, it was mandatory for all teenagers to go through a special class in which they learned about the disease and ways to prevent it.

"Hanahaki Syndrome is a disease caused by unrequited love," his teacher, Mr. Gobin , had said "Normally, the person suffering from it will experience severe pain, coughing and vomiting of flower petals. If it is not treated, the probability that the patient will die is almost 100%". 

The class had been stunned by his words. Jean could only bitterly recall the death of his neighbor Tim.

"It is important that you remember that this disease is extremely lethal. Once it is contracted, the patient will die in a lapse of three months to a year. Please be attentive to the symptoms that I have mentioned and remember to have the annual lung checkup. It's free in all Trost hospitals".

Historia, the leader of the high school cheerleaders, raised her hand. His teacher nodded.

"Does this disease have a cure? Cuz', you know, if it is just 'dying by unrequited love', there would be no people on Earth," she asked. There was a couple of laughs from behind the room.

"Excellent question, Miss Reiss," he said, settling his glasses "Indeed, it has a cure, but it is important that you remember something. This disease is not caused by the typical love disappointment that we sometimes experience. It is a total havoc manifested physically when our body recognizes who we usually call 'soul mate'. It is, basically, a death by deprivation of that which allows us to stay alive". 

Whispers were heard throughout the room.

"I know, it doesn't sound very cute. The terminal phase of the syndrome occurs when flowers and roots fill the respiratory system of the sufferer. The person will die drowned in his own blood and flower petals" he coughed. A bitter taste ran throat Jean "But, like I said, it has a cure. As you can imagine, the main method is for the person you love to reciprocate your feelings".

"Like in a love story!" someone shouted.

The teacher laughed nervously.

"Sure, like in a love story. But do not take a liking to this cliché, children," the man changed his tone to a more severe one "this disease is very serious and most of the time the person will die from it. Currently, it is the second leading cause of death in the country.

"But..."

A shy and nervous voice was heard from the front row. As he thought, it was Armin Arlet.

"Yes, Mr. Arlet?".

"My parents told me about another cure for Hanahaki Syndrome. A surgery".

Mr. Gobin looked at him suspiciously. He closed the book he had been reading, and returned to his desk. He looked at the class, not knowing how to respond to the blonde's intrusion.

"That is a complicated subject, Mr. Arlet. I am not authorized to speak to you about this surgery, because it could affect the objective decision that you may make about it one day. For the purposes of this special training, the main cure for Hanahaki Syndrome is reciprocated love".

Armin shifted in his seat , uncomfortable. He was a strange boy who was not liked by the teachers, as they considered that he was "poisoned" with the conspiracy theories of his scientific parents, both openly criticized by the community. It was common for him to ask questions of this sort, and for Mr. Gobin to answer them with particular disdain.

"Good. If no one has any more questions we will start the exam".

It was a quiz of 25 "yes" or "no" questions. Along with listening to the class, it was mandatory to pass the small assessment on the disease. Failing meant repeating both instances and not being able to be promoted to the next school year. Jean answered lazily, until he reached question N°24.

_'Question 24. I must be especially careful when falling in love: Yes / No.'_

What a dumb question. Of course it was easy to pick "yes" in the test box, but Jean thought that when love came not even the staunch fear of a terrible disease could stop it. Unfortunately, on a special morning in April, he would realize that his unfortunate reflection was nothing more than the desperate cry of the bitterest truth.

"I'm Mikasa Ackerman. Nice to meet you". 


	2. Life

Mikasa Ackerman was a new girl in the school. Her family, a couple of doctors, had been transferred from the city of Shiganshina to the capital of the Rose Region to participate in the modernization of the Trost Hospital. It did not take long to discover, mostly through hallway gossip, that she was adopted by the marriage and that, in addition, she had a brother of the same age who missed the first month of high school due to a broken collarbone. Eren Yeager sounded like a name for an idiot to him, and not long after he discovered that he, indeed, really was one.

The two were practically inseparable. She, shy by nature, used to hide behind the - not at all imposing - figure of her brother most of the time. Jean could understand her behavior, however; asians were not very well regarded in the capital. Children used to point fingers at her, or whispered poisonous words when she walked near them. He didn't understand it.

That day when she appeared in his classroom, alone, without Eren to protect her, he understood the dangerous words that his teacher had spoken the year before.

Soulmate, his mind repeated. Something so stupid couldn't be true. 

He brushed his hair with his fingers as he closed his locker. The hallway was packed with people trying to get to the next class; he had PE. If he didn't hurry his pace, he wouldn't be able to make it in time to change. He pushed the crowd trying to break through, knocking Armin Arlert, who was heading in the same direction as his.

"Hey, be more careful!" He heard a scream, while someone grabbed him by the collar of his leather jacket.

He turned around, raising an eyebrow. Had he mentioned that the Yeager boy had become close friends with Armin? Marco had told him that, before the pandemic, the blond had lived with his grandfather in Shiganshina. Once the disease killed him, the boy was forced to live with his parents in the capital. Jean inferred, therefore, that Armin and Eren must have known each other before the later arrived at Trost.

"Eh? I didn't see him, Yeager. He is so small that I could crush him".

Jean smiled, mischievous and victorious. Of course, his 6'5" would not allow the little ant named Armin to be seen by him. He casually ignored how Yeager hurled acid insults at him and visualized the corridor looking for an escape route.

"Hey, I already understood you. Can you let me go to class? I have much more important issues than hearing you defend your girlfriend".

"Armin is not Eren's girlfriend," he heard.

Oh yeah, of course it was Mikasa. Her head gently peeked out from behind the brunette's body, giving Jean a shy and annoyed gesture.

"I didn't remember Eren had bodyguards, Mikasa, " he said, winking at her. She hid even further behind the boy. From that angle he could only see one of her black ponytails peeking out in his direction.

"Don't mess with her, horseface".

"Hey, I haven't messed with anyone. I just wanted to get safely to PE, but," he pointed at the clock on the wall above the lockers, "it seems you managed to thwart my plans. Congratulations, Jean Kirstein won't be able to put on a show for the girls today".

Eren stuck his tongue out at him, Armin shrugged, and Mikasa didn't look at him again. That trio seemed the strangest thing to him and they really managed to get on his nerves. He was late for classes thanks to them; that could only mean that the coach will call his mother and she will punish him again. His bad boy appearance only lasted until his mother - usually angry - said 'enough'.

Ignoring his sad fate, he turned to leave the group. However, before making his way to who knows where, he subtly winked an eye to the girl with long black hair. 

"See ya', princess".

And he left.

"Ah? What's wrong with that moron?" asked Eren.

"I think he likes Mikasa," Armin observed. They both looked at the girl, who felt her cheeks begin to burn, "or he likes you, Eren".

"Ha. Yes, of course. Kirstein is incapable of liking another person but himself. At least he won't need to worry about getting the Hanahaki". 

"You shouldn't joke about that, Eren," Mikasa intervened this time. No one ever joked about getting the disease, "it's not funny".

Armin nodded.

"What's wrong with you two? Would you rather be with the horseface? I have no problems".

Thus began another tantrum from Eren. Mikasa released her hold and rolled her eyes, bored; he took things too seriously for being so young. His father used to tell him that if he continued like this he was going to become a bitter old man by 20.

"Let's go to class," said Armin. The brunette snorted and followed him. The young woman looked for a second at the path that the daring boy had traveled a few moments ago and turned around, joining her two friends.

* * *

"Jean! are you listening to me? You are going to burn yourself".

The blond woke up. The cigar resting on his lips was about to burn his mouth. He spat the smoke out of his throat, fully regaining his concentration. When did his mind go off?

"Thanks , Marco," He offered the pack of cigarettes. Marco shook his head, "okay. What were you saying?"

Marco raised an eyebrow.

"You really didn't hear anything I said?" Jean shrugged and Marco sighed, "you are the worst. I just wanted to tell you that there is a party at Historia's. She invited us.

"Eh? Did she invite you?"

Marco Bott was his childhood friend, they had known each other since they were kids. Their mothers had been inseparable friends in college, so they never had the opportunity to give an opinion regarding their friendship; they had always been together and nothing would change that.

In other bigger news, the invitation from Historia, "the queen bee", struck him as "especially strange". They were both renegades in high school, Jean for his big mouth and Marco for being a little bit too weird. Why would Historia invite them to a party in the first place? 

"Of course! We are going to graduate soon, it's normal for classes to do this type of celebrations".

That was true, it was Jean's last year of high school. Soon enough, he could emerge from his hovel in Trost and venture off to college. He was hoping to get into one in the Sina Region, but his grades were not the best, to be absolutely honest. However, Marco, a study-obsessed nerd, would probably easily get into any school he wanted.

"Yeah, well, I don't think that 'celebrations' is the right word for that kind of party", Jean said inspiring the last puff of smoke that allowed his cigarette. He dropped the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it, "do you know who else will go?"

"I already told you, everyone will go. She even invited Sasha and Connie".

Ah, so she was being serious.

"It will be on Friday. You know, Friday night. Reiner said there would be beers".

"Of course there will be beers, Marco", Jean slapped his forehead disdainfully, "are you sure you want to go? It doesn't sound like something very yours".

"There 's a first time for everything," he shrugged, "what about you? What do you say?"

"I don't know ..."

He did know. His mother probably wouldn't let him go, and not because of his absence from PE class last week. 

"You have a job, right? We can go later. Historia told me that whoever wanted to could stay the night".

The blonde hesitated. Of course getting drunk for the modest price of having to care for Marco sounded tempting, but he was sure that the answer he'll get from his mother if he dared to ask for permission would be a resounding no. "There will be too many people there" , she'd say. And that would not normally be a problem as Jean - despite his lack of tact - was pleasant company. And that's exactly the thing that worried her mother. 

Since he passed the Hanahaki's speacial class, his mother had never been the same with him. Wary, she stopped allowing Jean to participate in extracurricular activities of any kind. He could only visit Marco's house, go to high school and come back. She wasn't even aware that the boy had gotten a part-time job almost two months ago. It was obvious, more than obvious, that she wouldn't let him go to a party at a girl's house.

"I don't know, Marco. You know what my mother will say".

"I can tell mine to talk to her. What do you think?"

Marco really seemed very excited by the idea. If he didn't know, he'd guess it was the first party he'd ever been invited to.

"You say that because you are not the one who must put up with it later. I'd blindfold myself if I could".

Jean never understood the reason for that irrational fear that her mother had to the syndrome. From a very young age she tried to isolate him from all knowledge about it and, when she could no longer avoid it, she deprived him of all non-essential circumstances that allowed him to meet people. It seemed silly to him, honestly. Of course he was afraid of the disease, as any person fears cancer or a heart attack, but he could not sacrifice the development of his life for that fear. He had long ago tried to explain it to his mother, but she - as always - decided to ignore it .

"You know what? Fuck it, I'll go. I'll call my mom to tell her that I'll sleep in your place".

Marco's eyes sparkled. He wrapped his friend in a tight hug, as Jean struggled to free himself from his hold.

"Did I ever tell you that you are my best friend?" He said giving him a bright smile. Jean snorted.

"Of course, you couldn't survive in this jungle without me. You owe me your life".

"You're right!"

He smiled to himself. At the very least he could enjoy a party in peace and quiet before leaving for college. He had experienced the adrenaline rush of going out without his mother's permission many, many times, and in this case, it clearly seemed that it would be a quieter affair. Marco's mother was an excellent accomplice after all . She didn't understand her friend's suspicion of the outside world either. She preferred to think that if he had to die of something, it should be of love. He supposed she had heard that in some song.

"So, at 7 at my place?" Marco asked.

"Wow, calm down beast. I don't think you'd want to be the first one to arrive. I'll drive you," he winked and pointed to his car.

Had he mentioned he had a car? Of course, her mother gave him one when be turned 16. In that way, she didn't have to worry about him having to take the school bus, she had told him. 

"Ah, you're right. It would be very strange of us, right? We don't even talk to Historia. Or Reiner ... or no one, now that I think about it". 

"Yeah, we are going to have a great fucking time, Marco. Thanks for your enthusiasm," he looked at his watch, "it's about time you go back to class, right? Your stretched ass can't miss Math".

"Won't you come?"

Jean thought about it for a second.

"No, I think I'll stay here for a while".

Marco nodded and entered the building. Jean took another cigarette out of the pack and held it with his lips; did not turn it on. He rested his body against the cold hood of his car. His leatherette jacket wasn't comforting at all, so he thought it would be a good idea to get into his car and turn on the heater. At least there he could calmly enjoy his fifth cigarette of the day without some loudmouth accusing him with the director.

He went in and with the car lighter - an extremely old thing that still had those trinkets - he lit the tobacco. He inhaled, feeling the click of mint spread down his throat; He dumped the ash on the cup holder next to the gearbox. His mother would kick his ass if she found out that he was planning to go to the party. And with Marco! Of all, Marco! If she found out, she would probably ban him from seeing Marco for a month, maybe two.

He watched from the parking lot as some boys tried to sneak out of school. He gave a stoic laugh, they looked very amused thinking that no one had discovered them. Jean visualized them stepping through the gate, their victorious laughter drawing farther and farther away. 

It really sounded fun being a normal boy. Do normal boy pranks, skipping class, going to parties, having lots of friends, even a girlfriend. And although he did all those things, there was something remarkable about being able to do them under the complicit silence of his mother. And don't get him wrong, he loved his mother, entirely; she was the only person in his life besides Marco. Jean never knew about his father, his mother had told him that he had died shortly before he was born. He didn't believe it, however. He had never seen a photo of his old man, a letter, some memory that devastated his hurt mother; nothing. As if he had never existed.

He exhaled again. The smell of smoke would linger on him for a long time. Her mother worked late into the night, but she never forgot to meticulously inspect his car and backpack. She was probably looking for an innocent love note or a used condom in his glove compartment. There was in between in that matter.

" What a shitty life, " he sighed, throwing his cigarette out the window. He started the engine and headed for the exit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope everyone liked this chapter. english is not my first language, so if you find any grammar errors or typos please let me know!


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